Guilt
by BeyondTheClouds777
Summary: "Have you ever felt so guilty about something, that you couldn't even think about anything else?" "Um...not really, no." "Yeah...I didn't think so." (One-shot)


**This is an out-of-nowhere idea I got. The story speaks for itself. One-shot. ENJOY! I will be posting again on February 23 (another one-shot). See you guys! :D **

I was having one of those sleepless nights. One of those nights where your mind refuses to shut down, suddenly wanting to think of everything _but _sleep.

I glanced out my window, where my Deadly Nadder was snoring contentedly. I rolled over on my side, resting my head atop my hands. _She _certainly didn't have a problem falling asleep. So why did I?

After many more resultless efforts of falling back asleep I got up, grabbed my axe, and slipped my armor on out of habit. It had only been two months since the battle with the Red Death. Although we had adjusted to living with dragons for the most part, we Berkians still felt a little bit better if we were armed.

After tiptoeing out my front door to make sure I didn't wake my dragon or my parents, I started walking through the village plaza. Sometimes, walking felt good. Besides, when I couldn't sleep, walking normally helped. It helped ease my mind, the night air calming my nerves.

It had been a few months, yes, but I still didn't feel right about a dragon sleeping outside my front door. Something about it felt...strange. It was a wonderful feeling, being at peace with the dragons and being able to not worry about having dragon attacks in the middle of the night, but still, I wasn't exactly comfortable with Stormfly quite yet.

I didn't understand how Hiccup let Toothless sleep with him in his room while being able to sleep through the night. Hiccup was either the bravest person I met, or the craziest.

Maybe he was both, now that I actually thought about it.

I headed towards the Great Hall. It was the ideal place for me to go, since it was quiet, peaceful, and out of the night. The cold air was beautiful, and felt amazing against my face, but it was also freezing. I could only take it for so long.

I slipped inside the Great Hall, closing the doors behind me instantly. I glanced about the abode, and then stumbled across something peculiar.

There was a candle lit on one of the tables, someone sitting on the bench. I couldn't make out their figure due to lack of light, so I timidly approached.

It turned out to be Hiccup. He was doodling offhandedly, not even looking like he was focusing on what he was doing. He looked paler than usual, and more...distant, for lack of better word.

"Hiccup?" I asked.

He jumped, lifting his head in my direction, sighing when he saw who it was. "Oh, it's just you," he said, returning to his drawing. "I thought you were someone else."

I bit my lip. "Can I…?" I gestured to the spot beside him.

Hiccup shrugged. "Go ahead," he offered, and I sat down next to him. He continued doodling for a good three minutes, until I finally got the courage to ask him what.

"What are you working on?" I asked.

"Just...nothing really," he replied. I looked over his shoulder, catching sight of his picture. It was a half-finished Toothless, and looked remarkably good as far as detailing went.

I looked around, suddenly realizing that Toothless was no where to be seen. I glanced back at Hiccup, who had once again turned his attention away from me.

"Um...what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I...can't sleep," he said in response. "What are _you _doing here?"

"Ah, same," I replied simply, not putting any emotion into my words. "I thought a walk would help, and then it got windy, so I came here." I hesitated. "Where's Toothless?"

"Back at the house," Hiccup jabbed his charcoal towards the door before running it against his paper once again.

"Is there...a reason?" I asked.

"Not really," said Hiccup. "I just...didn't want to bother him, so I kind of snuck past him when I left. I also kind of wanted to be alone."

"Oh." I frowned. "Should I go, then?"

"No, you don't have to," he said. "I got here hours ago."

Hours? "How many hours?" I questioned.

"I don't know," Hiccup replied. "I lost count at two."

"Is there a reason?" I asked. "Normally you're not like this. Not...all...untalkative. It's not like you, Hiccup." He sighed, setting down his pencil. "Is something wrong?"

"Not...not really," he said, working on his drawing again.

This was weird. Normally, I couldn't get Hiccup to _stop _talking, and now the only reason he was speaking at all was because I was here. He even talked to himself sometimes; I had caught him in the act more than once. But when I entered the Great Hall, he was silent. Painfully silent. Something was wrong; I just didn't know what.

I knew I would get to the bottom of it, though, sooner or later, one way or another.

"I'm sorry, is it something I did?" I asked. "Are you mad at me, or some-"

"No," Hiccup interrupted. "No, Astrid, I'm not mad at _you_." The tone of his voice hinted that he was mad at _someone_.

"Oh, well," I said, trying to think of someone else that could have gotten on Hiccup's nerves, "was it Snotlout? The twins? Fishlegs? One of the villagers?"

"No," Hiccup said.

"Then what's up?" I prompted. "Who are you mad at?"

He sighed, setting his charcoal down yet a second time. "Mostly..._me?" _he offered.

"You're mad at yourself?" I asked.

"Yeah, kind of," he said.

"Why?" I wondered.

Hiccup opened his mouth to say something, and then ended up shutting it in the end. He sighed. "Have you ever felt so guilty about something, that you couldn't even think about anything else?" he asked me.

I paused a moment to think. "Um...not really, no," I admitted.

Hiccup nodded. "Yeah," he said, picking up his pencil again and continuing to work. "I didn't think so."

"Is that it?" I asked. "You're mad at yourself for something you did. You have a guilt trip. Those two things are...painfully obvious." He turned to me suddenly. "Why? What happened?"

"I just…" His hand froze, and I glanced down. He was finishing the drawing, working on drawing Toothless' tail. His hand shook as it began moving again, drawing the right tailfin, leaving the space where the left one should have gone blank. He dropped the charcoal beside his notebook, and put his head in his hands.

"What?" I asked. "You just what? What's the problem?"

"This, Astrid," Hiccup replied, shutting his notebook with one hand and handing it to me, "is the problem."

I stared at him for just a moment before I opened the book to the first page. It was a picture of Toothless. I turned the page. Another one of Toothless. I turned it again, and again, and again, each time finding the same drawing of the same dragon, only each time in a different position.

"So...what?" I asked. "What's wrong?"

Hiccup glanced at me, and I could tell he was growing agitated. He picked up his charcoal once more, fingering it in his hand. "This," he said. He circled Toothless' back tailfins...well, tail_fin _and then sat back, looking at me expectantly.

I still didn't get it.

Hiccup sighed. "I did that to him, Astrid," he said. "I scarred him for life. I'm the reason he can't fly independently."

"Don't _even _think like that, Hiccup," I said. "Toothless loves you, left tailfin or no left tailfin. I don't even think he's mad. He doesn't blame you."

"I know he doesn't blame me!" Hiccup exploded. "He's not mad! He even got me back!" He gestured roughly to his prosthetic. "The problem isn't Toothless, Astrid!" Hiccup said. "The problem is _me_. _I_blame me!"

"Maybe you shouldn't," I said.

"Maybe I should!" Hiccup shot back. He took a deep breath, calming down dramatically. "Toothless...he's the last Night Fury, Astrid," he said. "I downed the _last Night Fury _in _existence_. He can't even fly without me. What if...what if something happens to me? If we're attacked by some other tribe, and something happens where I can't get to Toothless...Toothless' biggest advantage is flight. It's how he escapes. I...I took that from him, Astrid. I took away his freedom."

"You...don't think like that," I said.

"I do, Astrid," said Hiccup. "If something happens to him, I'll have only myself to blame. I took away his flight. I took away his freedom. He can't leave without me. I've...I've downed him, Astrid. And you know what we say about downed dragons."

_A downed dragon is a dead dragon… _

"But…" I stopped. What should I say? I hadn't a clue.

"I shot him down," said Hiccup. "I shot him clear out of the sky with that stupid bola shooter of mine. If I hadn't shot him...maybe...maybe he would still have his flight. Maybe he wouldn't need a rider."

"Maybe we would still be at war," I said reasonably, raising a good point. "Maybe we would still be slaughtering dragons like there's no tomorrow." Hiccup sighed, flicking his charcoal across the table so that it fell off the edge.

"It still doesn't change the way I feel," Hiccup said flatly. "I still feel useless."

"Don't you even _dare-" _I had enough regrets from when we used to all call Hiccup "Hiccup the Useless" without Hiccup bringing it up again.

"I'm just telling you how I feel, Astrid," said Hiccup. "I mean...the rest of the village calls me a hero, but...I really don't feel like a hero. I downed my best friend. I...pretty much doomed him to death. He'll live a lot longer than I will. What then? What happens to him when he doesn't have a rider?"

"It sounds like this has been going on for a while," I said. "You've kept all this to yourself for months now, haven't you?" Hiccup sighed, and then nodded slowly. "If this is how you feel," I said, "then maybe you _should _be talking to someone about it..."

"I _guess_," Hiccup said. "I mean, I'm talking to you-"

"No, I mean, Toothless specifically," I said. "If you really feel guilty, you could apologize to him. He's already forgiven you, Hiccup, I know that. But it'll make you feel better to say you're sorry straight on."

"And then what?" Hiccup asked.

"Then comes the hard part," I said. Hiccup looked up at me. "You have to forgive yourself."

"I...don't know if I can," he admitted, glancing back down at the table. "Every time I look at him...or draw him...I just feel..._awful_."

"I know, you probably do," I said. "I'm not saying it'll be better instantly."

"Then what are you getting at?" Hiccup asked.

"You would never intentionally hurt Toothless," I said. "You know that, I know that, and Toothless knows that. Like I said, apologizing to him will help. Trust me, it will. And then, I think you'll be able to move on."

"It...I don't think it'll be easy," said Hiccup, rather dolefully.

"It won't be," I said. "I never said that it would be. But don't give up on it."

"It's never been like me to give up," said Hiccup. A small smile spread across his face, and I smiled back.

"Good," I said. "So...I'm glad we had this talk…"

"Me too," said Hiccup.

"I should probably head back to my house…" I started.

"Yeah, me too," he replied. "Well, not your house, my house, I...agh." He picked up his charcoal from the floor, and then scooped up his notebook. "Thanks for...y'know, taking the time to talk to me, and stuff."

"Oh, no problem," I said. "I'm glad you were here. I think this was a talk you needed to have a long time ago."

"It was, Astrid," said Hiccup. "Thank you."

For once, I was happy I hadn't been able to fall asleep.

* * *

**Author's Notes: **

**So, yeah, Hiccup is guilt-stricken...although that kind of goes without saying. I really like the idea of Hiccup being afraid Toothless is holding some sort of grudge, and Astrid coming to confront him about it...I really like it. :D **

**So, this is just a one-shot; nothing else. No more chapters. Just this. I hope you all liked it as much as I enjoyed writing it. :) Until next time! :D **

**-BeyondTheClouds777**


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